No feeling.

亲爱的如今陌生人

我们真的越来越远

感觉...有点怪怪的

也许是一切都不一样了

你，我，

外表，性格，历练，环境，

人生阶段，处事态度，

都变了

感到很欣慰

以前看不见的不一样

现在都一清二楚了

好比

大雨再打也不会有一点涟漪

大风再吹花草一点也不会动

No feeling.

感恩

A lot to be thankful for during this period before 2015 ends. Thankful to be alive after all that has happened, thankful for the people who love and care for me, thankful for the strangers who were/are nice to me. Feeling very appreciative of everyone's kindness, care and concern, despite the fact that I may have been a bitchy bitch. I am truly blessed to have known all of you. ♡♡

I heard on a channel 8 variety show (yes I have been watching a lot a lot of tv) about these 3Ses--Save, Share, Spend. I have always put sharing after spending and honestly, who has anything left after spending?! Thus my resolution for next year would be to work on sharing more!

Choice

Enjoying my much deserved (I insist I deserve it haha) 2 week break now, so I have quite a bit of time at hand and therefore I start to watch quite a bit more tv. I watched this reality series called Married at First Sight and this time they replayed the first season. (I know I keep watching the show but I have no choice they keep showing it and now even Australia is doing its first season lol) Basically the show engages experts to match people who really wanna get married. The selected participants would then see their partner for the first time at the altar where they exchange vows and then go on a honeymoon. Thereafter they will stay together for I think a month and then decide if they would want to remain married or get a divorce.

Anyway one of the couples of that season didn't get off to a good start, with the girl kind of freaking out cuz the guy wasn't really what she wanted. And they managed to remain married for a year and then they were invited to a show to talk about their experience. The guy shared that they probably would not have gone on a second date in real life because we have so many choices out there. Once we don't like it we move on. But since they were in the experiment they were kind of stuck in it and they took the time to get to know each other and eventually developed feelings for each other.

Which is kind of true. We have too many choices in every aspect of our life. From trivial things like what clothes I want to buy and wear, what food I want to eat to decisions with a more far reaching outcome like what job I want and who I want to date. When I have 10 food choices you find yourself not knowing what to eat. When I do no carbs it was easier to choose what to eat because choices are so limited.

So I guess...I have no choice but to...

Shake it like a Polaroid picture~~

Shake it, shake, shake it, shake it, shake, shake it~

Nothing to say.

I find it harder and harder to write things these days.

We had more things to say when we were younger. Maybe we could say more without the fear of getting hurt when we bared our hearts, without the consideration of being judged for shallow, non-critically thought out sentences. I think about myself 3 years ago and wonder: How could I have aged so much? Physically, emotionally, mentally, we have all aged.

I find it as hard to have fun as it is to find people to have fun with. When we were 15 we found joy in being able to stay out late and go out with friends. These days we find ourselves wanting to spend 'me' time and having to go home because the thought of work the next day weighs heavily on our minds. 

I guess...I haven't entirely grown used to becoming an adult.

The Wedding.

Attended my first wedding dinner as a friend. I know, kind of slow, but my few colleagues don't look like they are going to get married anytime soon so...

Anyway. It was a pleasant wedding dinner. He was his usual goofy self plus x10 nervousness + excitement + cannot-believe-it-is-all-happening, she looked stunning in the red evening gown. The rest of us had a good time gathering, catching up with each other's lives. The cocktail party (though we didn't get to drink cocktail) was nice. I had a lemon tart and a banana with nut tart (it was definitely not called banana with nut tart but I couldn't remember the name). Had to stop myself from going for the lemon cupcake (lots of carbs omgggg) and macarons. The dishes were delicious and every dish was to my liking. There was none of that fanciful, show-us-from-baby-to-now kind of videos, even the gate crash was, well much simpler compared to others I know of. It kind of reflects who they are and I liked that.

Really really happy for them. :)

米

我应该为自己感到欣慰。

我从来没想到，年龄比我大但比我还迷失的人好多。以前不明白，一直以为当了大人就应该懂。起码应该会负责任。不懂的人好多，不负责的人好多，不知道的人好多。

只能说，一种米养百种人。

加油!

THE smiley.

One does not simply use :)) this smiley. One simply does not. You can use :) or :))) or even :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))). Just not that.

On the bus

I sat on the bus, on those kind of seats which forces you to face the window. Clutching my mos salad and ying yong peng tightly, I slumped into the seat, feeling the work blues.

The bus stopped at the traffic light. I spotted a face on another bus. He had the window seat, but was minding his own business. Then he looked up, straight at me. I managed a smile. His eyes lit up and he smiled back. I gave a slight nod for positive reinforcement. He signalled with his little arm to tell me that our buses will be turning. I nodded and smiled again. I mean, there were only those few things one could do to communicate with someone outside the bus without looking like an idiot. He seemed to understand my concerns and didn't push it further. The woman sitting opposite seemed to have noticed my smile but didn't know who I was smiling at.

Grinning to himself, he popped a cheezel in his mouth. Then he looked up and smiled again. He held up his snack, to offer me some. But we both knew there was no way I could eat it. Nevertheless, I shook my head politely. The woman looked at me again, with a slightly raised brow.

The traffic light turned green. Our buses moved in the same direction as he had predicted. He waved excitedly. I waved back because I knew we would have to part soon. A van blocked our view for about 3 seconds. We both felt some relief when we could see each other again as the van moved out of sight. He gave a cheeky smile to thank me for entertaining him. I returned a smile to thank him for making my day.

My bus made a right turn while his made a left turn.

I want to...

1. Read a book
2. Sip iced coconut coffee
3. Travel and get lost
4. See beautiful things
5. Spend money on useless things
6. Watch TV
7. Laze in bed
8. Hug myself

My mum asked if I preferred study to work since work life is so tough. I said nope. I always knew I had to study hard so that I could work.

It has been a long time since I had fun. Don't need to think kind of fun. Laugh till my sides ached kind of fun. Really don't want to go home kind of fun.

Looking forward to Friday.

Passionfruit Green Tea

is probably causing me to be unable to sleep at this hour. I really ought to be more careful with my choice of drink near sleep time man.

Had a gathering with the extended family today. Played some mahjong and ate rubbish food.  Kind of fun to let loose after many days of work and see my cousins and uncles and aunts.

I booked a trip to Hong Kong with my sis for November. It has been some time since the summer school in Hong Kong. These days Facebook prompts me with photos of that trip from time to time and I cannot believe I looked like sai and you all were still my friends. Haha. Thank you. Will visit a friend, go to Ocean Park, and hopefully recharge and relax since we aren't going for an action-packed itinerary. I cannot wait for Nov! 3 more months!

Okay I should try to get some sleep.

New start.

Tomorrow will be a new start. July has been sucky. Let's hope August would be better.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

A lot to do

It's July. My favouritest month is almost over.

Felt like I lost a bit of myself in the month, busying myself over things and of course learning things here and there in the process. Questioning myself every day and dreading work (and dreading jogging more). This was not how I envisioned it all to be.

I need to be focused again. Get myself together. Gather all thoughts. Reorganise. Believe in myself. Muster the courage. Stop questioning and doubting.

Wah that is a lot to do.

Relationship Advisors

Today, in class

Student A: My father used to smoke but he doesn't do that anymore.
Me: Oh how did he manage to quit?
Student A: When my mother got together with him, she told him to quit and he never smoked from then on.
Me: Oh wow that is very sweet.
Student B: Then teacher you should get a boyfriend who smokes then make him quit smoking too.
Me: But what if he doesn't quit and chooses to leave me?
Student C: Haiyoh teacher, then you must dump him before he dumps you. Don't be a dumbo.

I should really ask them for relationship advice.

Work Woes

Now that things at work are more or less confirmed, I guess it is better for everyone. I suddenly find myself being unable to sleep because I am thinking about a lot of things. I am forming plans in my head and rejecting this idea and kiv-ing that. There is so little time but so much to be done. I feel the weight on my shoulders now plus I have to battle insecurities and uncertainties of the future. It should be an opportunity so we will see where it brings me. After all, no pain, no gain.

I need another holiday.

牙刷

最近和妈妈分享一件发生在朋友身上的事
女性友人的男友认识了别的女生
男人嘛，都爱说只是逢场作戏
到头来还是最爱你
Blah blah blah
女人嘛，总爱说早知如此，何必当初?
害我不知该如何继续面对我们
Blah blah blah

妈妈说
这就好像
你用了别人的牙刷
然后告诉别人你用了他的牙刷
他一定觉得很gross
但是，
其实你并不需要告诉他你用过他的牙刷
他也无须知道你用过他的牙刷
反正你也没打算再用
他也可以继续开心地刷他的牙
皆大欢喜!

但人总爱为了对得起自己的良心
而伤了别人
既无须面对后果
又无须受到良心的谴责

好自私

Thngs

Am seated in front of my laptop because I was just blog shopping. I never imagined myself to be able to fit into clothes from blogshops but now I can whee~

I have recently decided to do some things for myself. Like get new clothes (which are more of a necessity anyway since I have to slowly change my wardrobe), plan for trip in November (a Malacca trip should be confirmed but I am looking at something else which I think is exciting but I hope will come true), and a plan to make a donation to a charity of my choice on my birthday. Especially when I read that we can get tax deductions (300%!! Heehee I love SG50!). I think it's time I give some back to society after having worked for 1.5 years.

I like how things are now, but I hope they don't stagnate. Sometimes when I jog I think about my life and start to make small plans here and there. The kind of things one thinks about then throws to the back of the mind until the time is about ripe. There are some things I need to work on, like procrastinating less (like the cervical cancer jabbbbb), and I need to push myself more. Nevertheless, I am thankful how things have turned out thus far in the year, so thank you.

2.43am

Made the mistake of drinking a hazelnut latte (which didn't even taste that great) and now I cannot sleep. It is 2.43am and I am as alert as the energizer bunny. Tonight was really 大cheat day with my sis, for we shared a truffle fries for supper plus this wasted calories drink but hopefully the walk back from Thomson helped a bit.

It's June. Half the year (well, almost) passed in a flash. The next half of the year will be slightly challenging, and the next year will be tough in terms of work. I know I would have to work very very very hard and I am sort of mentally prepared. Part of me has some fears but a huge part of me is grateful for this change. I wanna do so much more for myself, for the people I love, for my own future. It will be tough but I hope I can persevere.

梦醒了

已经有点儿忘了
今晚突然想起
心血来潮
就去看看
以前以为自己一定无法接受
甚至想过
如果在街上碰到
应该会崩溃大哭吧
殊不知
看了fb后
只是冷冷一笑
原来该面对的还是得面对
但是一直都低估了自己的能力
第一眼觉得
哈哈，她没有比我美 v (^-^)
多看两眼后觉得
她有点儿像当年的自己
似乎有很多的喜欢
希望她经过比较多的风浪吧
最后发现
我要的
已经不是你了

Difficult

It's  hard. But focus.

Diet

Fell sick so I am blogging. Miraculously I managed to get 2 days of MC from the doctor and even more miraculously I got people to cover (almost) 2 days of my work (though I had to work from home a bit but that is fine with me since I've got nothing to do anyway).

Recently (okay to be more exact it is 5 days ago) I started on this no/low carb diet thing after witnessing results on my boss. I have a goal to reach by my birthday which makes it more exciting for me haha. And I am beginning to enjoy this exercise thing a lot more, plus I sleep earlier too (to prevent myself from being hungry heehee). I'll be going to Penang over the weekend so I hope I can stick to my plan!

That game.

That day we were talking about how we used to play this game when we were younger. We would set a theme and everyone had to name themselves according to the theme. Then we will flip a card one by one and if we got the same number we would shout each other's theme name. The loser gets laughed at, and also gets the caller's deck. And we realised that the beauty lies in that this game has no name. You can call it what you want, and associate it with your memories from playing the game. But we also realised we don't play it these days. We would rather go for a staycation. Or cafe hop. Or do a weekend getaway. It kind of makes me miss those days, when so much fun came from the deck of cards and the company.

最近

最近
只想一个人做自己想做的事
最近
听情歌都没有feel
最近
想突破自我学一些新鲜的事

曾经有人告诉我
一个人单身久了的确会变自私
会以自己为中心
会忘了怎么为别人着想

白开水虽能解渴
但却无法替代可乐的甜

But hor 有的人也可以不喝可乐的leh

聪明人

我要当一个聪明人
聪明的人不会问自己接受不了答案的问题

例如:
我是你的好朋友，有什么是我不知道的?
就这件事你不知道。
哎! 你为什么没有跟我讲过这件事?
因为...没有想要让你知道。
我以为我们是好朋友...?
那你一直以来都以为错了咯。
蛤...你怎么可以这样?
为什么不可以，我又没有欠你什么。

最讨厌人觉得我因该向他们报告
以前说过并不代表现在会说
现在说了并不代表以后会说
想说就会说
不想说你永远都不会知道
不要用友谊威胁
最讨厌被威胁的感觉
只会让我更反感，更厌恶

Belated Resolutions 2015

This year, I hope to be less. Behave less rashly, have less hatred, be less stubborn.

有些人

有些人 我们把他留在回忆里 是为了要藉由他们 来怀念当时的自己

——蔡康永

As we age, we look back more often. We have learnt, matured, grown. We have lost, hurt and been hurt. We urge ourselves to move on from the past, from the bad memories. But we rarely succeed entirely.

Recently, an ex-student came to visit. I genuinely could not remember him. At all. Then I felt scared. I feared my memory is slowly failing me and would completely fail me one day. Good memories, bad memories, all gone.

That would be disastrous. I don't want to forget.

月亮代表我的心

Because when you look at the moon

It is sometimes a full moon
Sometimes a cresent
Sometimes halved
Sometimes gone

If it were to represent one's heart
It'll mean that sometimes I love you a lot
Other times less
Sometimes not at all

But don't forget
The moon is always there
Even when you don't see it
It is always there

For you

小poem/小lines/小words

好久以来
控制自己
大脑的每一根神经
手指的每一块肌肉
不去想
不去刷
今晚
终于忍不住了
好想告诉你
我长大了
我明白了
我了解了
刷到了那页面
却发现
也许
一直以为自己很在乎
其实
也并没有那么的在乎
原来
有时候
把一些人留在记忆里
不是因为舍不得失去那些人
而是因为
舍不得失去当时的自己
所以
偶尔看看
回味从前的自己
也没什么不好
哦?

That man.

Love the voice. <3

Tale as old as Time

I bought tickets for the musical!

I love love love Beauty and the Beast. It's my favourite Disney movie, together with Aladdin. And I love how Beauty is a pretentious skinny bitch who only drank one mouthful of soup for dinner then danced the night with Beast. She is my favourite Disney princess, together with Jasmine, because 1. She has long hair, 2. She has a chio dress and 3. Who can pull off a yellow garment as well as she can?!

Ever just as sure, as the sun will rise~

Inspiring Quote

A relationship without commitment is like going to sheng shiong and enjoying the aircon without buying anything.

Back up plans.

I like backup plans. They make me feel that there is still hope when all else fails. That there is still something to fall back on.

Which makes it hard for one to push oneself because you know there's always something to fall back on.

Maybe it's time to push as hard as when giving birth, so that instead of maybes we can achieve something that is ever just as sure, as the sun will rise.

骗子

To and From

To 我 From 你
别人的好
你懂得去欣赏并珍惜
我祝
你能够找到赏识你的人
因为你是很棒的

To 你 From 我
因为你是很棒的
你能够找到赏识你的人
我祝
你懂得去欣赏并珍惜
别人的好

Moving into 2015

2014 was a great year. I finally got ear piercings after making it my resolution year after year after year. One additional gift idea for you all yo. Began working, had ups and downs at work.  Travelled  more, on my own, with friends, with boss. Reconnected with a friend I lost and I am glad. Friends who have stayed are still around and I am super grateful. Knew new people. Drank more and goodfellas more. Eyelined myself. Watched Eason. Bought my first insurance plan.

I like to think that I have grown and learnt a lot. It might not necessarily have made me a better person but it definitely made me a more experienced human. Sometimes I wished I had learnt all these things earlier.

2015 will be tougher but I hope it will be more fruitful. I might be going to my first wedding dinner as a friend and not a relative. I have more on my plate at work so I have to remember to take things positively and absorb like a sponge. Push myself harder than before. I am excited. :)