Pessimist

I think I am a pessimist. I think the best possible outcomes for others, the worst for myself. And sometimes it holds me back, lile when I keep thinking I cannot jump from one trampoline to another, or that I am not as capable or as good in what I am doing than others.

I've always had this fear that when things go too well, some divine intervention will threaten to rob me of what I have via factors or elements not within my control. I know I am not supposed to say it because the more you say it the more you believe it and you start looking for signs affirming your beliefs and then it comes true. Self fulfilling prophecy.

It caught me off guard today. And I should calm down and not think so much because deep down I know it is probably nothing much. I didn't realise it had such a great impact on me and I suddenly feel lousy, weak and lost. But everything will be alright.

As Lao Tzu said, Do nothing and everything will be done.