Post-exams has been quite cool for the first few days (yells FREEDOMMMMM). It is during this period of time whereby you can start slacking legitimately, without feeling that tinge of guilt knowing that you are supposed to spend your time studying/doing something more productive. It's like I can facebook all day and I don't feel guilty! Then I started to realise that Hey, I really have got NOTHING to do. So super bored. This nagging feeling starts to set in, like "why aren't you working and earning money?", "why aren't you exercising?", "why aren't you spending time a bit more meaningfully?" etc. It doesn't help that my MOF calls me when she's at work to chat with me, cuz we keep sharing our goals for this holidays and realise that we don't really have goals. Poor MOF is subjected to the humiliation of earning SGD$3.50 per hour, and she feels she's better off serving burgers at Macs, but that's internship for you! I, on the other hand, am spending maybe SGD$3.50 per hour, having watched 3 movies in a week already and enjoying expensive meals at Ippudo and Manhattan. Finally, I'm at the stage whereby I'm staying at home to prevent myself from having to spend money since I have no income (no work in Nov) and who knows I might pick up Zen Meditation or Tai-Chi (tsk, Ah Sin).
But you know this is not the point.
The point is that I am very tired of doing what I am doing. I don't mean the above paragraph. I mean watching people being in conflicts. Watching people not knowing the limits. Watching people hurt each other with words, whether directly or indirectly. You know your intention is to hurt. It's taking away sooooo much of my positive energy, really. When I go out with other friends, I think about how to resolve things. I think about "Why did he say that to him?". I think about what I can do to help make things better. It makes me very tired though I've accomplished nothing at the end of the day. Although I don't always comment, I read everything and I see things (not ghosts ah, Ah Sin). And I feel so sad when I see the same things happening over and over again, because I do believe that all of you are nice people at heart. You may not have the nicest attitudes, talk in the nicest way, behave nicely to everyone, but I believe that you are nice nevertheless. (Okay, I can't find a better word to replace 'nice' so pardon me) But it's getting harder and harder to convince myself that one day we will see change. When is that day coming?
'You' does not refer to one person. 'You' refers to more people that you think. It may refer to me too. (By the way the word 'refer' is a palindrome. HAHA.) Just that I don't think people think about me or issues about me when they are relaxing. Some things are just taking away so much of my positive energy.
I still cherish all of you as friends, because I believe you are still nice people.
Last point of the post, just to make things a little happier, I just finished another Ah-Ma-Recommendation: Oh My Lady! (Korean Drama). It's not bad (cuz my ah ma screens them and passes me the nice ones to watch). Especially this cute kid in the show:
I never believe Asian kids can be cuter than Angmoh kids until I saw her. HAHA. So so so cute.
Okay, end of post. Will post when I have more positive energy. I don't need "Cheer up!"-s because I'm not sad, just tired of losing energy. Maybe Zen meditation would help.
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